A Grown Woman’s Thoughts…on Dating

May 2, 2016


I don’t necessarily want to know what college you went to and what degree you obtained, I need to know if you can communicate in good and bad times in the wee hours of the morning and late at night about things that matter. I don’t care how many cars you have, what your 401K balance is or where you go for vacation, I need to know if you will be there when I call, is your word “bond” and do you care enough to be fully present when we spend time. I need to know if you are kind and affectionate and what makes you feel alive. I don’t need to hear another promise, be told how beautiful I am or spend weekend after weekend on another date hanging out with you, I need to know what you want to do and where you want to go…with us.

I don’t really care how much “swag” you have, how many Purple Label fine suits you can pull out of the closet, or how many Gucci driving loafers and silk ties you can rock on any given day. I need to know who you are when I am not looking, and what you see in me when you are. I need to know how you love, and if you are quick to anger and what you do when you get there. I need to know how you manage disappointment. I need to know what brings you joy and what family and the word “wife” means to you. I need to know your spiritual connection and what Source you rely on when life isn’t so pleasant. I need to know how you forgive and what gets you up in the morning.

And to be clear, I’d be lying if I said money, degrees and assets don’t matter, of course they do! These things make life easier, they give us options and peace of mind. And yes, having “swag” and being sexy and a great lover is a bonus. But what I’ve learned over the years is that at the end of the day, the heart doesn’t know if you have any of those “things”, but it knows when it feels love and it knows when the spirit is full and the soul is at peace.

The “things and stuff” that matter in life, have little to do with your advanced degree, your Benz or your title. If you have all of the trappings but lack patience, character, courage, the ability to hold a meaningful conversation and/or you don’t possess the maturity, growth and willingness to commit to love and a future, it matters not what degrees hang on the wall, or how many zeros are on your bank statement… it’s an empty unfulfilled life, without hope for growth and deep love, of which, I want no part.


by Rhonda E. Frost

Writer, Blogger, Published Author, Middle Aged Journalism Student, Serial Dater, Divorced Mom with 4 Adult Children, 100% Pittsburgh Steeler fan, Lover of life, music and dancingme with lights 2