By Rhonda E. Frost
I don’t necessarily want to know what college you went to and what degree you obtained. I need to know if you can communicate in good and bad times in the wee hours of the morning and late at night, about things that matter.
I don’t care how many S550s, Bugatti’s, BMW M6 special edition cars you have, what your 401K balance is or where you go for vacation; I need to know if you will be there when I call. I need to know if you will check on me after date night, to make sure I made it in. I need to know if you will talk me through my issue of the day, and share in my joyous news. I need to know if your word is “bond”, and if I can trust you to protect my heart. I need to know if you care enough to be fully present, when we spend time. I need to see that you make time for me. For us.
I’m no longer impressed by titles and the extras after your name, (Dr. MA, Ph.d, VP, or President of so and so- I’ve dated them). I need to know if you are kind and affectionate, if you will care for me if I become sick, and if you will pray for me when I can’t pray for myself.
I need to know what makes you feel alive. I want to know your fears and your back story. I want to know the parts of you, you’ve never told anyone. I need to know how you treat your Mama, your children, and those you say you love. I need to know who you are when you are angry. I want to see you laugh til you cry. I want to know your love language and I want to tell you mine.
I don’t need to hear another promise, or necessarily be told how beautiful I am (though I am not opposed to genuine compliments ), but more importantly, I need to know that you see my inner being, the beauty and grace of my soul, appreciate the struggle in my story and that you want to be here. It’s important that you see and accept my broken parts, that you keep my secrets, protect my scars, and value my stretch-marks. I need to know that when you look at me, you see the blessing in our union.
I don’t need to spend weekend after weekend on another pointless date, hanging out with you at the “spot” or making love without purpose or meaning (that’s something I don’t need to practice); I need to know what you want to do and where you want to go…with us. I don’t have any more years to donate to the game.
I don’t really care how much “swag” you have, how many Purple Label fine suits you can pull out of the closet, or how many Gucci driving loafers and silk ties you can rock on any given day. Those things are cool, but I need to know who you are when I’m not looking and who you are when I am. I need to know if you are honest.
Your fine-ness, collegiate accomplishments, snazzy cars, gift of gab, high credit score and dollars in your bank are icing on the cake-of-you. But who you are at the core, matters more. If your character is broken, and your sweet words and lofty promises, don’t match what you actually do, I will not trust you. No trust means, we won’t make it. I’ve tried that already. Ignoring bad character to reap benefits, dine well, take vacations and get bills paid, is temporarily fun but ultimately demoralizing and usually painful. That’s a hard no for me now.
Sounds simple enough right?
I ask that you introduce me to you, and let me understand you. The real you.
Let me laugh with you, spend time, develop trust and move towards eternity with you as my partner, my backbone, my supporter and friend and let me be that for you. That’s what matters. I cannot wait!
Take my hand, lead the way…I’ll follow.
Signed grown woman