Dear Future Husband: A Grown Woman’s Thoughts on Dating

By Rhonda E. Frost

I don’t necessarily want to know what college you went to and what degree you obtained. I need to know if you can communicate in good and bad times in the wee hours of the morning and late at night, about things that matter.

I don’t care how many S550s, Bugatti’s, BMW M6 special edition cars you have, what your 401K balance is, or where you go for vacation; I need to know if you will be there when I call, to make sure I’m OK and to talk me through my issue or share in my joy. I need to know if your word is “bond”, and if I can trust you to protect my heart. I need to know if you care enough to be fully present, when we spend time.

I’m no longer impressed by titles and the extras after your name, (Dr. MA, Ph.d, VP, or President of so and so- I’ve dated them). I need to know if you are kind and affectionate, if you will care for me if I become sick, and if you will pray for me when I can’t pray for myself.

I need to know what makes you feel alive. I want to know your fears and your back story. I want to know the parts of you, you’ve never told anyone. I need to know how you treat your Mama, your children, and those you say you love. I need to know who you are when you are angry. I want to see you laugh til you cry. I want to know your love language and I want to show you mine.

I don’t need to hear another promise, or necessarily be told how beautiful I am (though I am not opposed to genuine compliments ), but more importantly, I need to know that you see my inner being, the beauty and grace of my soul, the struggle in my story and that you want to be here. It’s important that you see and accept my broken parts, that you keep my secrets, protect my scars, and value my stretch-marks. I need to know that when you look at me, you see the blessing in our union.

I don’t need to spend weekend after weekend on another pointless date, hanging out with you at the “spot” or making love without purpose or meaning (that’s something I don’t need to practice); I need to know what you want to do and where you want to go…with us. I don’t have any more years, to donate to the game.

I don’t really care how much “swag” you have, how many Purple Label fine suits you can pull out of the closet, or how many Gucci driving loafers and silk ties you can rock on any given day. I need to know who you are when I’m not looking, and who you are when I am.

Your fine-ness, collegiate accomplishments, snazzy cars, gift of gab, credit score and dollars in your bank are icing on the cake-of-you. But if the rest of the above is missing, if your character is broken, and your words don’t match what you do, we won’t make it.

Just let me love you. Let me laugh with you, spend time, develop trust and move towards eternity with you as my partner, my backbone, my supporter and friend and let me be that her for you. That’s what matters. Take my hand, lead the way…I’ll follow.

That’s where this grown woman is today.

(updated 2/5/2018)


8 thoughts on “Dear Future Husband: A Grown Woman’s Thoughts on Dating

  1. James Brady says:

    Hi Rhonda I follow you on fb. You are a great writer. I just want to tell you how wonderful your thoughts are on love. I am that way with my wife. I sincerely hope you can find someone to share your soul/life with.

    • Hi James, thank you for reaching out and thank you for following me here. I so appreciate that. I am glad you enjoy reading what I write. I write what touches my heart or what I am feeling at the moment. I look forward to having someone to share my life with one day soon. Best to you! Please stay in touch!

  2. Lacy DeBerry says:

    Thanks for clarifying the mind of a great woman. You are a wonderful lady, and a good man would be fortunate to have your love.

  3. Ray says:

    Beautiful! I’m speechless! I’m really surprised that you are not married yet! Most women that have your mindset don’t stay single long.

    • MsFrostToYou says:

      Thank you for reading and for the feedback! It took me a long while to get here. I took the long way home. I’m ready now. He will be here soon. I feel it.

  4. Moses Rivers says:

    Hello Rhonda I truly appreciate you sharing your thoughts and views. I hope to meet the prolific commander of prose one day. I am on a 111 day quest of clarity and transformation. I appreciate your substance and moving messages of hope faith and love.

  5. MsFrostToYou says:

    Thank you for reading and for taking the time to post your kind comment. And good luck on your journey. I hope you feel transformed when it’s over.

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