When a Man’s Body Is Not Working Right, Nobody Is Happy in the Bedroom

By Rhonda Frost

Our new podcast “What She Said” is a platform to discuss all things relationship & intimacy, and I mean ALL things. This week we talk sexual dysfunction by men with our friend urologist Dr. Joel Abbott. Why? Because we need answers.

My girlfriends and I sometimes talk about this issue when we are dating someone we have become intimate with. Some of us talked about it when we were married. Many of our married counterparts are still talking about it. After all sex, intimacy, dating, and relationships are topics that will never grow old. When sex is good, when intimacy is on point and when you find someone that you really like, who likes you back, who respects you, treats you well and who can deliver good sex, you have literally hit the life jackpot. And if you can mutually fall in love and are able to move the relationship forward lovingly; you have found heaven on earth. These things keep us going, they feel good when done right and they make our lives feel lighter and seem more colorful. And no matter the relationship status, good sex, is good sex, is good sex and we all want it. There is obviously more that can be said on the topics, but this is not the article for it.

The focus here is on sex and what happens when things do not “click” in the bedroom and our man cannot perform.  As we get older, the men in our lives usually are getting older too, so that means, we will have the occasion (s) where things may not “work”. And yes, there are men in the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s still working it out just fine, and there are younger men who have issues. We are not talking about them. We are talking about the other men, some even in their 40’s, early 50’s and 60’s who have difficulty performing to their own high standards.

Just to put it in simpler terms, sometimes, men simply cannot get “it” up, or when it does stand up, it sometimes does not stay at attention long, meaning it gets soft right in the middle of the action, or he ejaculates too soon, or, or, or…which means that, women are left in that weird space, laying there staring at the ceiling torn between being sympathetic, feeling rejected, or downright disgusted and maybe even angry (depending on how many times he has done this before or how many times you’ve been through this). Be honest, how many times have you heard the “baby, I am so sorry”, or the “this has never happened to me before”, or “I don’t know what’s going on, it’s not you, it’s probably stress from work”? We have all heard it at least once.

What we women are sure of, is that it is confusing, and awkward to talk about. We do not know what to ask, or how to respond. There is only so much us girls can ask or talk about with each other. We are the blind leading the blind. So instead of continuing the dead-end broken penis talk with our frustrated female friends, we decided to bring the coolest urologist in town in on the discussion and have him break it down for us. And girl did he break it down!

Dr. Abbott (Joel) took time out of his busy schedule to stop by Vibe Studios ATL to chat with us about this topic in the most unconventional way. He was brave enough to come on the show and help us understand what men go through, why it is so hard to talk about sexual issues for them (and us), and how to navigate the “problem” when something is not working for our man.

Take a listen here to a clip from the Joel interview, and be sure to follow us on IG @ What She Said Podcast (@officialwhatshesaidpodcast) and subscribe to our YouTube channel to watch the full episode and upcoming episodes @What She Said Podcast – YouTube. The goal is to do better in relationships, dating, sex, and marriage with each episode.

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