I posted the below message on a Facebook dating page the other night. I wasn’t sure of the protocol for posting on that type of page, but after being invited to the group, I knew I needed to at least say something. I was having one of those nights and while scrolling through the various posts and introductions, I decided I’d say hello and express my truest feelings in the moment.
The response was surreal. I was surprised at the comments from women who thanked me for the post. They told me it resonated with them and their dating journey. Men chimed in with messages, words of inspiration and some even asked for my hand in marriage. LOL! I was humbled. I decided to share what my vulnerability looked like here on my blog. (The post has been slightly modified.)
“Hi everyone, is there a grown man in the group who lives in the Atlanta area who can appreciate and love a “grown woman”?
You see when you get to be 57, time is of the essence and every moment counts. Women folk in my age group no longer wish to waste time. We are seizing each moment, traveling, dining out, enjoying ocean breezes, smelling the roses, appreciating each heartfelt conversation and celebrating a great cup of coffee or a perfectly mixed “top shelf margarita”. We own our homes, our credit is together (finally, in my case), we’ve raised our children and we can stand alone, but we prefer not to. Not anymore anyway.
We’ve been battled tested and are still standing.
We cherish laughter, memorable moments, good music and good vibes.
We dance like no one is watching and we appreciate our time with good friends and family because we understand that tomorrow isn’t promised.
Folks like me need someone who is ready, willing and able to love and to live fully in the moment.
We need the person who can love us for who we are, not who we used to be(we aren’t 20 or 30). Our bodies have stretch marks, love handles and some cellulite. We’ve had some loses and heartbreaks. We have a testimony, grey hair (that we color regularly), and wisdom.
And yeah we still feel sexy and we know how to have fun.
We need our conversations to be meaningful and on purpose. And most of us aren’t with the games or nonsense. We can see fakes a mile away.
I’m imperfect and flawed with some broken pieces but I’m loyal, humble, and able to take care of me. I can appreciate a good man when I see one.
This being single status is overrated. The quarantine and COVID-19 made it worse. And no, just anyone won’t do. I still have negotiables and non-negotiables. I have had to humbly decline some offers and get out of situations that simply didn’t elevate my spirit or my life.
My soul still has to say yes.
I imagine I’ll know him when I see him and he will know too. I can remember the few times when I knew. That feeling and connection is life altering. I want that again.
We all want to find the one who sees us fully and accepts us anyway. The one who makes us feel loved, protected, heard and safe.
It’s the connection and friendship for me. That’s the part that is hard to find. Finding someone to sleep with is easy, finding a partner who you can trust with your heart and story is hard. And the older we get, the more elusive it seems.
Dating is challenging and confusing at times. There are lots of lonely nights. We women talk about it all the time. My daughter Shanae and I even started a podcast where we have conversations with men about dating, marriage and relationships. We want to understand their thoughts. We want to learn from our mistakes. We want to be better and do better.
I am just a girl from California living in the South making the best of my days while navigating single life.
I’ll wait to hear from you.”
Author, Writer, Blogger, Mom, Spiritual Seeker, Divorced Woman of a Certain Age
Not sure if you received my post on this one but I feel your pain. If you would like some grown up conversation I’m here.
Dre’
Hi Dre’, thanks for stopping by and reading. I appreciate you. I think many of us are looking for good conversation, healthy love, and solid friendship. We need it in our lives. It just makes life better. I hope you find what you need.
Hey Sugar Lump I’m moving to NC & will be in ATL often ! I would love to take u to dinner & laugh the 🌙 night away😜! Let’s friend each other on FB ! My name is Richard Oliver West jr. ! Stay safe Peace
Hello there Richard. Thanks for reading my blog post and for the offer of dinner and laughter. We will talk offline about that. LOL! And let me know in advance when you are headed this way. Stay safe!
Good morning Gorgeous! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences with me and the world. We have a lot of common experiences: growing up in Southern California and living in the south, married and divorced and raising children. Dating has been tricky for men too. We meet women who have been hurt and abused by the men in their lives. On the surface they seemed to have it together, career, homeowner, spiritual and beautiful. However what you discover is that she has been through a lot and doesn’t trust anyone. So she is insecure and can be difficult to get to know. One minute she is open and honest about her feelings and the next minute she’s cold and angry about the relationship. Even with therapy this is a hard experience for someone over 55 with their own challenges. I love women who have overcome the pain and fear of their past and look forward to meeting someone who is willing to walk through the sunset years together. Much love and thanks beautiful lady!
Hello there, thank you for reading my post and for responding. You make some valid points. This is why my daughter and I started the podcast “What She Said” and this is why I often read and write on the topic of relationships. So many of us at this age are carrying baggage from the past and many of us don’t even realize it. We just keep going from relationship to relationship with our “stuff” never stopping to see if we are part of the problem when things break down. I’ve carried my fair share of baggage and can admit to having trust issues and some insecurities. It came with the journey. I am working on mine.
We are learning that men have fears and issues too. We are also learning that men have been cheated on and have been taken advantage of in the dating process. That is something we have to consider as well.
As we get older, it does seem harder to find someone who works with our ways and who matches our desires and energy, but I believe there is someone out there. We have to get to the point where we understand that one person may not be able to meet “all” of what we want and need but we can meet in the middle, still be happy, and move the relationship forward. We are all flawed and we are all aging, the time is now to reconsider what we need and want and to be realistic on the journey. All games and superficial nonsense aside.