By Rhonda E. Frost
July 18, 2021
(Update to 2016 article)
|There are so many good women out here ready to be a wife or in a committed relationship. Emotionally available women, doing the work, handling business, growing in knowledge, raising their children (or have raised them), and focused. They are smart, attractive, sexy, funny, warm, and kind women. Women who have been broken, but still believe. Women who are willing to give love another chance despite the bleakness of it all. Yet, seemingly, so few men value her. Why? |
As days turn into months, and months turn into years, I cannot help but wonder when he will show up for the collective us?
We carry children for 9 months (stretching our stomachs beyond repair), we give birth through our birth canals suffering through the most painful experience any human can endure (and live to talk about), we raise our babies, we allow you into our sacred place trusting you to do right.
We make a house into a home, we clean up after you, we cook, we nurture, we exercise the patience of Job (yes, the biblical Job) as we wait for you to grow up, communicate with clarity, love with good intention, put down childish things, make up your minds, and get right.
We work with you as you sort through your feelings and emotions, go through your “mid-life” crises (most of your life), and take us for granted and mess up repeatedly. We forgive you, repeatedly. We answer the phone when you call even after days or weeks of silence, and even after you have hurt us one more time.
We lift you when you are down, and we allow you to keep coming back even when we should not. Patiently we wait for you to see past our booty, breasts, and bodies or what we can offer you sexually and to acknowledge our soul and see our heart. Yes, we want and love sex too, but that is not the point here.
We practically beg you to listen, to see our value, and appreciate our goodness. We wait in anticipation hoping you will finally claim us forever and be “him”, the “one”, our protector and provider. The one who will cover us with respect and love til our lungs no longer fill with oxygen and our hearts no longer beat. But where are you? When will you show up fully present, ready, willing, and able to assume the position?
This is not for the lucky few who have this in their lives, this is for the masses-the rest of the women who have not had this experience of love and commitment or at least not in while. I speak for them.
Is it timing?
Is it a lack of regard for monogamy?
Is it too much excess or too many options?
Is it the IG model, everyone is “snatched” thirst?
What makes finding him or him finding her so tricky? What makes respecting a good woman so hard?
What if we stopped?
I cannot help but wonder what would happen if we just stopped. What if we stopped forgiving, doing, accepting your inconsistent nonsense, catering to you when you don’t deserve it, taking your calls, making love to you, listening to your lies, accepting less than what we deserve, and stopped allowing you back in? Would you change? Would you show up and act right?
Would “I do” be restored to its sacred place? Would you then appreciate the woman who has been fighting for you the whole time or appreciate the next good woman you meet?
What will it take for us (the culture) to change and get back to respecting real people and real love? What will it take to value or desire marriage? What will it take for us to honor relationships and each other as human beings?
These are rhetorical questions, but comments are welcome. ***sigh***
Exhausted Single Woman
(and person speaking on behalf of women I know)
For more relationship conversations, please tune into our podcast, “What She Said” on YouTube where we delve even deeper into the issues and blessings of relationships and where we ask men the questions we all want to know.
You can check us out, subscribe and tune in here: Should Women Take Responsibility For Their Own Actions When Intoxicated? — Episode 23 – YouTube
3 thoughts on “Dear Future Husbands: We Are Waiting on You to Show Up and Act Right”
Praying that you meet your person soon! Being single can be exhausting sometimes and it’s hard to believe sometimes that God is saving you for someone special. I can definitely relate to how you’re feeling since I’m still single & I go through these feelings too.
Thank you for reading my post and for your kind comment. I pray the same. There’s so many of us deserving of a good man but the struggle is real.
Thanks for your insight on relationship issues. I know that ybsisters have been waiting for brothers to come up and be what you expect us to be…providers,protectors, fathers and husband and the lovers of your life. Some of us are getting there and far more have not made the effort. Don’t give up on the good men who are frustrated with the world and keep picking them selves up off the canvas because of self inflicted damage. The universe has placed us on the planet for a purpose and we are going fufil our destiny.