I posted the below message on a Facebook dating page the other night. I wasn’t sure of the protocol for posting on that type of page, but after being invited to the group, I knew I needed to at least say something. I was having one of those nights and while scrolling through the various posts and introductions, I decided I’d say hello and express my truest feelings in the moment.
The response was surreal. I was surprised at the comments from women who thanked me for the post. They told me it resonated with them and their dating journey. Men chimed in with messages, words of inspiration and some even asked for my hand in marriage. LOL! I was humbled. I decided to share what my vulnerability looked like here on my blog. (The post has been slightly modified.)
“Hi everyone, is there a grown man in the group who lives in the Atlanta area who can appreciate and love a “grown woman”?
You see when you get to be 57, time is of the essence and every moment counts. Women folk in my age group no longer wish to waste time. We are seizing each moment, traveling, dining out, enjoying ocean breezes, smelling the roses, appreciating each heartfelt conversation and celebrating a great cup of coffee or a perfectly mixed “top shelf margarita”. We own our homes, our credit is together (finally, in my case), we’ve raised our children and we can stand alone, but we prefer not to. Not anymore anyway.
We’ve been battled tested and are still standing.
We cherish laughter, memorable moments, good music and good vibes.
We dance like no one is watching and we appreciate our time with good friends and family because we understand that tomorrow isn’t promised.
Folks like me need someone who is ready, willing and able to love and to live fully in the moment.
We need the person who can love us for who we are, not who we used to be(we aren’t 20 or 30). Our bodies have stretch marks, love handles and some cellulite. We’ve had some loses and heartbreaks. We have a testimony, grey hair (that we color regularly), and wisdom.
And yeah we still feel sexy and we know how to have fun.
We need our conversations to be meaningful and on purpose. And most of us aren’t with the games or nonsense. We can see fakes a mile away.
I’m imperfect and flawed with some broken pieces but I’m loyal, humble, and able to take care of me. I can appreciate a good man when I see one.
This being single status is overrated. The quarantine and COVID-19 made it worse. And no, just anyone won’t do. I still have negotiables and non-negotiables. I have had to humbly decline some offers and get out of situations that simply didn’t elevate my spirit or my life.
My soul still has to say yes.
I imagine I’ll know him when I see him and he will know too. I can remember the few times when I knew. That feeling and connection is life altering. I want that again.
We all want to find the one who sees us fully and accepts us anyway. The one who makes us feel loved, protected, heard and safe.
It’s the connection and friendship for me. That’s the part that is hard to find. Finding someone to sleep with is easy, finding a partner who you can trust with your heart and story is hard. And the older we get, the more elusive it seems.
Dating is challenging and confusing at times. There are lots of lonely nights. We women talk about it all the time. My daughter Shanae and I even started a podcast where we have conversations with men about dating, marriage and relationships. We want to understand their thoughts. We want to learn from our mistakes. We want to be better and do better.
I am just a girl from California living in the South making the best of my days while navigating single life.
I’ll wait to hear from you.”