It’s Not Just About R. Kelly…

R Kelly

R. Kelly is a talented musical artist and has produced some pretty incredible songs over the past twenty plus years. No one disputes his talent. R. Kelly(Robert) is also pedophile and a sick man who preys on young girls, broken women and the most vulnerable. He is not only the king of R & B, but the king of disrespecting, abusing and violating black girls and women. He’s been bumping and grinding and putting his key in the ignitions of the female masses for a long time. His proclivity to young women, coupled with his need to control, objectify, and sexualize women and girls, is self-evident. His lyrics told us his thoughts; but we were too busy dancing and singing along to listen. His actions showed us who he was. None of this is debatable. The late great Dr. Maya Angelou said, “when people show you who they are, believe them“; too many didn’t believe, even after he showed us who he was, we didn’t want to believe.

Fast forward to today, his subsequent arrest(again) has made headlines. Someone turned in yet another damning video. But it was the docuseries, “Surviving R. Kelly“, that had everyone listening and talking. Not only did Robert’s victims come out and tell their stories, but people all over this country started coming from behind their walls of secrecy to tell their own stories on social media and out loud, as victims of incest, molestation and abuse by people closest to them; people they trusted, people who were supposed to protect them. All perpetrators of a different name. It struck a nerve with me. I was all too familiar with the experience, the shame and the pain.

Aliyah was 14 when Robert took her in under his black cape and made her believe that “age ain’t nothing but a number”. He sexed her up, messed up her mind, and married her (albeit temporarily) on a whim. She was fifteen and he was twenty-seven. She wanted to be a singer and the story says that she and her family sought him for guidance in the music business. Instead, he gave her the business. He stole her innocence and the rosiness from her young cheeks. He was the adult in the room. He had the duty to guide and protect her to help her become greater. He took advantage of her instead.

How did we let this happen? How did all those grown people around him in his circle let it happen? More aptly, how did we let it continue? Are we that blind or just too numb to care? Are we so in love with his music, that we’ve decided the value of young girls and the cries of women don’t matter? If so, we are no different from Trump supporters who ignore facts, truth, his ignorance and evil deeds, and opt to blindly follow the man, no matter what.

But this isn’t just about R. Kelly. Pedophiles come in all races, sizes, socioeconomic backgrounds and names. They are in professions on every level. He lives in homes across America. He may go by the name of Walter (the friend of the family), uncle James, grandpa Joe, daddy Walters, Catholic Priest (pick a name), Pastor Long, cousin Rodney, step-brother Kevin and Elvis. He is in colleges, corporate America, sports, entertainment and churches(to name only a few). Yes, sadly, this happens to boys too, and it is equally horrific and damaging to any victim. This is about men and their need for power, control and sex. It is also about pedophilia. And it is about a lack of respect for girls and women, namely the vulnerable, poor and broken.

No, this isn’t just about R. Kelly. It is about men who are willing to break open a child’s body and mind prematurely; forever altering their physical wellbeing, their trust and sexual boundaries. It is about men who violate and kill the spirit of a woman or child to get a nut.

Every person reading this blog piece knows someone who has been molested or knows a molester in their family or someone else’s. What does that say about the problem? The questions are: How are we addressing it? Are we telling our girls that it didn’t happen? Are we shaming them and calling them “fast”? Are we telling them to keep it secret? Are we ignoring it like society did with R. Kelly (and other known sexual deviants out there)? And when we find out, how are we helping our kids or victimized women cope? Are we creating an environment to openly talk about it? Are we encouraging them to seek therapy? Are we kicking out the perpetrator and filing charges? Or are we doing like the Catholic church, and just shuffling him around so he can go to the next house and destroy more innocent bodies and minds?

Our ignoring abuse is part of the problem. Our enabling, by defending him is part of the problem. Our not listening and not protecting girls and women is part of the problem.

I speak on what I know. I was 7 years old when the “married family friend” who lived in our home, exposed me to his penis and masturbation. I was 7! That continued until he and his wife Mary, and their kids moved out( a couple years) later. I didn’t tell my mother until I saw Oprah discuss the matter one day on television with her audience. I was 21 or 22 when I came forward and told my secrets. There were other men and other violations, but I don’t need to list them here. Suffice to say, I’ve had my life interrupted by my own R. Kelly’s. Like so many victims of molest, incest and sexual violations, my body never belonged to me. It was always sexualized. My breasts, which were too large for my body as a teen, caused men to look at me differently. And the way my body formed, apparently told men, I looked like I was ready. I was not. Not mentally or physically. The years from ages 7 to 14, were the set up of what was yet to come. I became a teen parent at 15. I carried into that experience all that I had been exposed to, broken trust, damaged self-esteem, confusion about sex, confusion about my body and healthy love, etc. etc. I had no idea what was “normal”. No kid who is abused does.

Black girl bodies have been sexualized and fondled by unauthorized men, at inappropriate times, since the beginning of our existence. Black women have been objectified and given measured value or worthiness, based on butt size, breast configuration, body type since or before Sara Baartman. Our culture lends to its acceptance.

A couple of fact checks: 1) Girls don’t come into the world “fast”, asking for sex, or desiring grown men. They either see “fast” behavior in their homes or environments, or someone exposes them to things they should not know or see before the body and mind are mature enough to process it. 2) Children under 18 cannot give consent to a grown man. And to be clear, even some 18 and 19-year old’s aren’t mentally prepared to participate in adult sexual activity.

It’s no wonder so many grown women and men are walking around conflicted and emotionally broken when it comes to love, sex and relationships. You have to know natural, healthy love and sex to participate in it. Children who are sexually violated, never get that opportunity-they start life fucked up because some grown-up put their own needs before the child’s .

Yes, R Kelly has been arrested. We can celebrate that justice might finally be served for him. R. Kelly is but one predator in a world of tens of thousands, if not millions. What about the predators in your home? What about the Catholic priests all over the world? What shall we do about the other violators and sexual perverts, like the 50 something year old Fort Valley State University campus lieutenant who preys on incoming girls, or the doctors, pastors, gymnastics coaches, uncles, dads, cousins and the rest of them? When will all of the victims of these obscure predators get their justice? When will their violators be held accountable? And in the meantime, who will care for the little girls in grown women’s bodies and the elementary, middle and high school girls who had their souls damaged and their innocence ripped from them because some man couldn’t get past his penis? What will we do about them? How will we help them heal?

This is bigger than R. Kelly. He need not be the whipping boy for all of the sexual predators in this country and abroad. Without a shadow of a doubt, he needs to be held accountable for his part in this never ending atrocity of child molest and his role in victimizing numerous girls and women. But so do the rest of the adults who do the same. #metoo #itstoomuch #muteRKellyandallsexualpredators #itstimetoprotectwomenandgirls #itstimetoprotectboystoo #itstimeforchange

By Rhonda E. Frost

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An Open Letter to the Ft. Valley State University Lieutenant who Thrust My Freshman College Student Grand-daughter into the #MeToo Movement: Time is Up

By Rhonda E. Frost

Dear Lieutenant B., (the lawyers have your full name, as does the Georgia Bureau of Investigation so I won’t put it here).

Whatever the culture is at Fort Valley State University (FVSU) for men(young and old) sexually harassing and sexually assaulting women, or whatever other perversions you have going on, #timesup. The cat is out of the bag.

I spoke to my grand-daughter (…) some weeks ago. She called me from her dorm at FVSU.  She spoke with me on this particular day to share some things that happened to her there at school; some things that she was troubled by and felt she needed to tell me about. She had already spoken to her mom Shanae, but she wanted to share it with me as well. My grand-daughter also sent me 4 or 5 audio clips of conversations that she needed me to hear. They were conversations between you and her. I listened to every single one of them. The more I listened, the more enraged and disgusted I became! We talked at great lengths about you, your position of power, what you admitted to about previous interactions with young women, and, we talked about how she felt.

My daughter Shanae talks about it more in detail here, in this FB video post.

I was in shock hearing the things you wanted to do to her 18-year-old-body, and stunned at the quid pro quo language used; not to mention the overt manner in which you attempted to accost her and have her sign on to your sexual relationship plan. You are there on campus to “protect and serve” the young people, not to violate them. The fact that you encouraged her to keep it “secret”, said so much. It sounded child-molester-ish. It also sounded like you knew that what you were doing was wrong.

Because of your actions, she has been thrust into the #MeToo movement, without even trying or knowing. And guess what? Your secrets aren’t safe. They won’t be tucked away and managed quietly. You picked the wrong time in history and the wrong college student.

I could only imagine what this had to be like for her, facing a grown ass man (someone my age, 50-ish); I can only imagine what she felt and thought while hearing your pornographic comments. She’s an 18-year-old college freshman and you are a campus law enforcement supervisor! Talk about an imbalance of power!

Here’s a little backstory for you, on my granddaughter and I~

“She” is my first-born grandchild. She’s my baby. I’ve been there her whole life. I’ve watched over her, as grandma’s do, from a distance and up close. I attended almost every track meet she participated in throughout high-school. I’ve attended her plays, award ceremonies, and birthday parties; and I watched her grow up. I was at her high-school graduation and drove to FVSU with my daughter Shanae, to take her to her dorm. What that means is, we are close. And what that means for you is, I/we will be relentless in this situation against you. This was not supposed to be part of her college experience!

What the f*ck were you thinking?

Perhaps you got hyped after watching 70-year-old Bob Johnson wed his 37-year-old grad student. Or maybe you got all in your feelings about 45-year-old Idris Elba proposing to his 29-year-old girlfriend and you started thinking, maybe you too could get a young girl. Your perverted sexual mind and pathetic real life, just led you astray-with your country ignorant ass! You should have asked somebody or used your police “background check” technology to check us out first. We are your worst nightmare.

I bet you didn’t even consider that she would tell her family. I bet you were so excited at the prospect of sleeping with her, that you didn’t envision this day. I would also bet you are a repeat offender. After all, you are a law enforcement officer on a college campus filled with young, vulnerable black women.

It matters not what your thoughts were when you decided my grand-daughter would be the next victim; your latest toy. But your failure to think with the head that’s in your skull, rather than the head of your penis, has put you in the limelight and front and center in the Shanae Hall and Rhonda Frost family. And the show has only just begun. You are about to be famous. If you would have taken your penis out of your ass, and actually took a few moments to check out her family as much as you were checking out her young body parts, you would have known who we were, and you would have gleaned that “she” comes from a family of advocates for women’s rights, and social justice fighters. You would have known that she comes from a long line of strong black women, who don’t mince words, who are intelligent, media personalities and writers; and you would have known that we will come for you.

Bet you know now. Hindsight is f*cking 20/20!

But I digress…

Did you really believe you would have a “sexual relationship” with our 18-year-old baby girl? Did you believe we would allow it? She’s a freshman in college and you are my age! How sick is that? If no one told you yet, I will…you failed in the due diligence department. You failed in the think it through department. You failed in covering your tracks. You probably aren’t very good at your job of policing either; you probably don’t write well and couldn’t chase down a suspect if you had to. Just not smart at all. Had you been smart, I wouldn’t be writing this blog, my grand-daughter wouldn’t have audio clips of your sex-laden proposals and other stories to tell about your visit to her dorm, and you wouldn’t have put yourself out there, with this freshman girl.

But alas, most perverts don’t think things through or weigh the risks accurately. No worries though, something tells me that you will have plenty of time to think things through in the near future.

By the way, I read the FVSU sexual assault policy and found it almost humorous, especially that part about “notifying campus police in the event of an alleged on-campus sexual assault…and all members of the university community are directed to immediately notify campus police and file an official report”. Quick question for you and the school administration, “who do the students tell when the perpetrator is the police?”

I also read FVSU student conduct handbook. I like that you aim to hold students accountable for bad behavior. And I read parts of the online employee handbook and I note page 9, and 10 as well as page 59 and 60 in particular, in that employee handbook and that part about “zero tolerance for sexual harassment” and that section on “amorous relationships with students”. I am sure FVSU wrote these rules to be followed. I am sure the school had good intentions when these policies and procedures were drafted. The words certainly sound clear and dramatic.

But alas, men and their dicks.

What I’ve come to know is that men, with their need for sex and power, and their seemingly insatiable lust, will violate rules, risk freedom, and take chances that will ruin not only their careers, but their marriages, and the lives of women, just to get some “ass” (aka sex); and to catch their next prey. It’s a proven historical fact.

I’ve seen all this before. As an attractive woman, who was also a fully developed girl at Nya’s age, I too have been the victim of inappropriate touching, inappropriate comments and sexual advances by men of all ages, that started when I was a girl, and has continued all throughout my adult life. My employment life was no different. Too many women have that story. I know sexual harassment and perverts all too well. It’s men just like you, who are in all of our stories.

So here we are.

And just to put you on notice: Before you and your comrades get too slick, I want to let you know that I am a prior law enforcement officer with California Department of Corrections. I started as a Correctional Officer and worked my way up to Correctional Captain, Chief of Background Investigations. I understand law enforcement roles and boundaries. I understand the culture and “blue(or green) walls of silence”. I understand false reporting and abuses of power more than most. So we will be watching how your agency handles it.

I am also a “woke” black woman.  I am in tuned to the world. I see how Black bodies are treated. I am aware that black women subjected to sexual violence and even death, are too often, invisible. I see how injustices are carried out on Black bodies with little to no accountability. Trust me, this case will be different. I assure you it will.

Your words and actions, reek of perversion. I can’t help but wonder how many other young women have been subject to your sexual advances over the years at FVSU and in your personal life. How many other young impressionable women have you dangled the “I will satisfy you sexually, get your hair done, nails done and take you places” carrot, who actually took the bait? This isn’t your first rodeo. Predators don’t start at this late stage of life. I would be surprised if you aren’t another unhappily married pig with a long list of victims.

Unfortunately for you, this is a time in American history where women no longer have to hide, or live in fear of speaking up about sexual harassment, abuse, or molestation, out of intimidation or threat. You picked the wrong 18-year-old, wrong family and wrong era.

Too bad for you and FVSU, between my daughter and I, we have over 30,000 social media followers. Add to that, we have experience working with the media, writing and video making skills and we have “A” list connections. Clearly, you mistook my grand-daughter for a young needy, broken, black child without a strong family behind her, or you simply let your penis and deranged sexual mind, do the thinking for you, it was a terrible lapse in judgment on your part. Next time, you will think before you act.

Let this serve as a reminder to all men who think with their penis instead of their brains. You might want to count to 1000, list all of the possible ramifications of your actions, then ask yourself if it’s worth it. But anyway, it just got real! Shame on you! And shame on FVSU!  The chickens have come home to roost.