FB Dating Site Post: Are There Any Grown Men Out There Looking for a Woman Like Me?

I posted the below message on a Facebook dating page the other night. I wasn’t sure of the protocol for posting on that type of page, but after being invited to the group, I knew I needed to at least say something. I was having one of those nights and while scrolling through the various posts and introductions, I decided I’d say hello and express my truest feelings in the moment.

The response was surreal. I was surprised at the comments from women who thanked me for the post. They told me it resonated with them and their dating journey. Men chimed in with messages, words of inspiration and some even asked for my hand in marriage. LOL! I was humbled. I decided to share what my vulnerability looked like here on my blog. (The post has been slightly modified.)

“Hi everyone, is there a grown man in the group who lives in the Atlanta area who can appreciate and love a “grown woman”? 

You see when you get to be 57, time is of the essence and every moment counts. Women folk in my age group no longer wish to waste time. We are seizing each moment, traveling, dining out, enjoying ocean breezes, smelling the roses, appreciating each heartfelt conversation and celebrating a great cup of coffee or a perfectly mixed “top shelf margarita”. We own our homes, our credit is together (finally, in my case), we’ve raised our children and we can stand alone, but we prefer not to. Not anymore anyway.

We’ve been battled tested and are still standing.

We cherish laughter, memorable moments, good music and good vibes. 

We dance like no one is watching and we appreciate our time with good friends and family because we understand that tomorrow isn’t promised.

Folks like me need someone who is ready, willing and able to love and to live fully in the moment. 

We need the person who can love us for who we are, not who we used to be(we aren’t 20 or 30). Our bodies have stretch marks, love handles and some cellulite. We’ve had some loses and heartbreaks. We have a testimony, grey hair (that we color regularly), and wisdom. 

And yeah we still feel sexy and we know how to have fun. 

We need our conversations to be meaningful and on purpose. And most of us aren’t with the games or nonsense. We can see fakes a mile away. 

I’m imperfect and flawed with some broken pieces but I’m loyal, humble, and able to take care of me. I can appreciate a good man when I see one.

This being single status is overrated. The quarantine and COVID-19 made it worse. And no, just anyone won’t do. I still have negotiables and non-negotiables. I have had to humbly decline some offers and get out of situations that simply didn’t elevate my spirit or my life.

My soul still has to say yes.

I imagine I’ll know him when I see him and he will know too. I can remember the few times when I knew. That feeling and connection is life altering. I want that again.

We all want to find the one who sees us fully and accepts us anyway. The one who makes us feel loved, protected, heard and safe.

It’s the connection and friendship for me. That’s the part that is hard to find. Finding someone to sleep with is easy, finding a partner who you can trust with your heart and story is hard. And the older we get, the more elusive it seems.

Dating is challenging and confusing at times. There are lots of lonely nights. We women talk about it all the time. My daughter Shanae and I even started a podcast where we have conversations with men about dating, marriage and relationships. We want to understand their thoughts. We want to learn from our mistakes. We want to be better and do better.

I am just a girl from California living in the South making the best of my days while navigating single life.

I’ll wait to hear from you.”

Rhonda E. Frost
Author, Writer, Blogger, Mom, Spiritual Seeker, Divorced Woman of a Certain Age


Dear Future Husband: A Grown Woman’s Thoughts on Dating

By Rhonda E. Frost

I don’t necessarily want to know what college you went to and what degree you obtained. I need to know if you can communicate in good and bad times in the wee hours of the morning and late at night, about things that matter.

I don’t care how many S550s, Bugatti’s, BMW M6 special edition cars you have, what your 401K balance is or where you go for vacation; I need to know if you will be there when I call. I need to know if you will check on me after date night, to make sure I made it in. I need to know if you will talk me through my issue of the day, and share in my joyous news. I need to know if your word is “bond”, and if I can trust you to protect my heart. I need to know if you care enough to be fully present, when we spend time. I need to see that you make time for me. For us.

I’m no longer impressed by titles and the extras after your name, (Dr. MA, Ph.d, VP, or President of so and so- I’ve dated them). I need to know if you are kind and affectionate, if you will care for me if I become sick, and if you will pray for me when I can’t pray for myself.

I need to know what makes you feel alive. I want to know your fears and your back story. I want to know the parts of you, you’ve never told anyone. I need to know how you treat your Mama, your children, and those you say you love. I need to know who you are when you are angry. I want to see you laugh til you cry. I want to know your love language and I want to tell you mine.

I don’t need to hear another promise, or necessarily be told how beautiful I am (though I am not opposed to genuine compliments ), but more importantly, I need to know that you see my inner being, the beauty and grace of my soul, appreciate the struggle in my story and that you want to be here. It’s important that you see and accept my broken parts, that you keep my secrets, protect my scars, and value my stretch-marks. I need to know that when you look at me, you see the blessing in our union.

I don’t need to spend weekend after weekend on another pointless date, hanging out with you at the “spot” or making love without purpose or meaning (that’s something I don’t need to practice); I need to know what you want to do and where you want to go…with us. I don’t have any more years to donate to the game.

I don’t really care how much “swag” you have, how many Purple Label fine suits you can pull out of the closet, or how many Gucci driving loafers and silk ties you can rock on any given day. Those things are cool, but I need to know who you are when I’m not looking and who you are when I am. I need to know if you are honest.

Your fine-ness, collegiate accomplishments, snazzy cars, gift of gab, high credit score and dollars in your bank are icing on the cake-of-you. But who you are at the core, matters more. If your character is broken, and your sweet words and lofty promises, don’t match what you actually do, I will not trust you. No trust means, we won’t make it. I’ve tried that already. Ignoring bad character to reap benefits, dine well, take vacations and get bills paid, is temporarily fun but ultimately demoralizing and usually painful.  That’s a hard no for me now.

Sounds simple enough right?

I ask that you introduce me to you, and let me understand you. The real you.

Let me laugh with you, spend time, develop trust and move towards eternity with you as my partner, my backbone, my supporter and friend and let me be that for you. That’s what matters. I cannot wait!

Take my hand, lead the way…I’ll follow.

Signed grown woman

(updated 7/20/2021)