Dear Future Husbands: We Are Waiting on You to Show Up and Act Right

By Rhonda E. Frost

July 18, 2021

(Update to 2016 article)

I cannot help but wonder what would happen if we just stopped. What if we stopped forgiving, doing, accepting your inconsistent nonsense, catering to you when you don’t deserve it, taking your calls, making love to you, listening to your lies, accepting less than what we deserve, and stopped allowing you back in? Would you change? Would you show up and act right?  

There are so many good women out here ready to be a wife or in a committed relationship. Emotionally available women, doing the work, handling business, growing in knowledge, raising their children (or have raised them), and focused.  They are smart, attractive, sexy, funny, warm, and kind women. Women who have been broken, but still believe. Women who are willing to give love another chance despite the bleakness of it all. Yet, seemingly, so few men value her. Why?  

As days turn into months, and months turn into years, I cannot help but wonder when he will show up for the collective us?  


We carry children for 9 months (stretching our stomachs beyond repair), we give birth through our birth canals suffering through the most painful experience any human can endure (and live to talk about), we raise our babies, we allow you into our sacred place trusting you to do right.

We make a house into a home, we clean up after you, we cook, we nurture, we exercise the patience of Job (yes, the biblical Job) as we wait for you to grow up, communicate with clarity, love with good intention, put down childish things, make up your minds, and get right. 

We work with you as you sort through your feelings and emotions, go through your “mid-life” crises (most of your life), and take us for granted and mess up repeatedly. We forgive you, repeatedly. We answer the phone when you call even after days or weeks of silence, and even after you have hurt us one more time.

We lift you when you are down, and we allow you to keep coming back even when we should not.  Patiently we wait for you to see past our booty, breasts, and bodies or what we can offer you sexually and to acknowledge our soul and see our heart. Yes, we want and love sex too, but that is not the point here.  

We practically beg you to listen, to see our value, and appreciate our goodness. We wait in anticipation hoping you will finally claim us forever and be “him”, the “one”, our protector and provider. The one who will cover us with respect and love til our lungs no longer fill with oxygen and our hearts no longer beat. But where are you? When will you show up fully present, ready, willing, and able to assume the position?

This is not for the lucky few who have this in their lives, this is for the masses-the rest of the women who have not had this experience of love and commitment or at least not in while. I speak for them.  

Is it timing?  

Is it a lack of regard for monogamy?  

Is it too much excess or too many options?  

Is it the IG model, everyone is “snatched” thirst?  

What makes finding him or him finding her so tricky? What makes respecting a good woman so hard?  

What if we stopped?  

I cannot help but wonder what would happen if we just stopped. What if we stopped forgiving, doing, accepting your inconsistent nonsense, catering to you when you don’t deserve it, taking your calls, making love to you, listening to your lies, accepting less than what we deserve, and stopped allowing you back in? Would you change? Would you show up and act right?  

Would “I do” be restored to its sacred place? Would you then appreciate the woman who has been fighting for you the whole time or appreciate the next good woman you meet?  

What will it take for us (the culture) to change and get back to respecting real people and real love?   What will it take to value or desire marriage? What will it take for us to honor relationships and each other as human beings?  

These are rhetorical questions, but comments are welcome. ***sigh***

Exhausted Single Woman
(and person speaking on behalf of women I know)

For more relationship conversations, please tune into our podcast, “What She Said” on YouTube where we delve even deeper into the issues and blessings of relationships and where we ask men the questions we all want to know.

You can check us out, subscribe and tune in here: Should Women Take Responsibility For Their Own Actions When Intoxicated? — Episode 23 – YouTube

FB Dating Site Post: Are There Any Grown Men Out There Looking for a Woman Like Me?

I posted the below message on a Facebook dating page the other night. I wasn’t sure of the protocol for posting on that type of page, but after being invited to the group, I knew I needed to at least say something. I was having one of those nights and while scrolling through the various posts and introductions, I decided I’d say hello and express my truest feelings in the moment.

The response was surreal. I was surprised at the comments from women who thanked me for the post. They told me it resonated with them and their dating journey. Men chimed in with messages, words of inspiration and some even asked for my hand in marriage. LOL! I was humbled. I decided to share what my vulnerability looked like here on my blog. (The post has been slightly modified.)

“Hi everyone, is there a grown man in the group who lives in the Atlanta area who can appreciate and love a “grown woman”? 

You see when you get to be 57, time is of the essence and every moment counts. Women folk in my age group no longer wish to waste time. We are seizing each moment, traveling, dining out, enjoying ocean breezes, smelling the roses, appreciating each heartfelt conversation and celebrating a great cup of coffee or a perfectly mixed “top shelf margarita”. We own our homes, our credit is together (finally, in my case), we’ve raised our children and we can stand alone, but we prefer not to. Not anymore anyway.

We’ve been battled tested and are still standing.

We cherish laughter, memorable moments, good music and good vibes. 

We dance like no one is watching and we appreciate our time with good friends and family because we understand that tomorrow isn’t promised.

Folks like me need someone who is ready, willing and able to love and to live fully in the moment. 

We need the person who can love us for who we are, not who we used to be(we aren’t 20 or 30). Our bodies have stretch marks, love handles and some cellulite. We’ve had some loses and heartbreaks. We have a testimony, grey hair (that we color regularly), and wisdom. 

And yeah we still feel sexy and we know how to have fun. 

We need our conversations to be meaningful and on purpose. And most of us aren’t with the games or nonsense. We can see fakes a mile away. 

I’m imperfect and flawed with some broken pieces but I’m loyal, humble, and able to take care of me. I can appreciate a good man when I see one.

This being single status is overrated. The quarantine and COVID-19 made it worse. And no, just anyone won’t do. I still have negotiables and non-negotiables. I have had to humbly decline some offers and get out of situations that simply didn’t elevate my spirit or my life.

My soul still has to say yes.

I imagine I’ll know him when I see him and he will know too. I can remember the few times when I knew. That feeling and connection is life altering. I want that again.

We all want to find the one who sees us fully and accepts us anyway. The one who makes us feel loved, protected, heard and safe.

It’s the connection and friendship for me. That’s the part that is hard to find. Finding someone to sleep with is easy, finding a partner who you can trust with your heart and story is hard. And the older we get, the more elusive it seems.

Dating is challenging and confusing at times. There are lots of lonely nights. We women talk about it all the time. My daughter Shanae and I even started a podcast where we have conversations with men about dating, marriage and relationships. We want to understand their thoughts. We want to learn from our mistakes. We want to be better and do better.

I am just a girl from California living in the South making the best of my days while navigating single life.

I’ll wait to hear from you.”

Rhonda E. Frost
Author, Writer, Blogger, Mom, Spiritual Seeker, Divorced Woman of a Certain Age