An Open Letter to the Man Who Asked “Why We Women Celebrate Being Single, Knowing We Want a Relationship”

I read a post the other day from one of my male Facebook friends who asked “Why do you single women celebrate being single, knowing you want to be in a relationship?” Then he mentioned Beyoncé songs having us “messed up”.

Well the long and short answer is: Even though we women are plenty powerful, we can’t make someone be in a committed relationship with us, last time I checked, it takes two. Regarding “celebrating being single” well yes, of course. If I wake up and I’m single, I celebrate my life as it is. I enjoy my moments, hours, days and years as they are, not as I wish they were. To that point, I want 10 million in my bank account, but since it’s not there (yet), I celebrate the $100(give or take a few dollars) that’s left over after my bills are paid. And I want a baby blue Continental GT V8 convertible Bentley, but since I don’t have it, am I not to celebrate the great car I have? How should we live our lives when we don’t have exactly what we want? Should we be unhappy, angry, sad, miserable and bitter?

To your point, yes, of course many of us want to be in committed, loving, supportive relationships or even married, but it’s not about us and what we want. We can only manifest so much on our own.

Shall we talk?

Let’s keep it 100. There are so many men playing games and playing house, that it will make your head spin. Some men are maximizing their social media outlets, dating apps, work relationships and social outings, using them as springboards into new vaginas. They go from one woman to the next, like a honey bee pollinating flowers. It’s not an easy task to have a man see the value in loyalty, love and commitment with one amazing woman, when his options are wide open and each day adds new forums that allow him to dabble in something new.

Today even men in their 40’s, 50’s and 60’s, are still “sewing their wild oats” like a boy in high school. No, not all. There are some men who are seeking marriage and commitment. There are faithful, committed and happily involved men who lead their households and take care of their women and children, men who show love and appreciation for the women in their lives. I personally know a few. But this isn’t about those men. This is about the “others”.

As for me, when I think about spending the “rest of my life” with someone, I don’t want to settle for just OK. I want it to feel right, not just in the bed, but after the “nut” too (yeah I said it!). The next morning and throughout each day, I want my spirit to feel good about my life with him. I need him to be my friend, the keeper of my secrets, the one I trust with my heart and time. The one I can watch Steeler football with and share laughs.  A partner who will love me, care about my family and perhaps teach me something. And to be clear, yes, I’ve had people want to commit to me and I’ve had a person or two since my divorce, that I cared enough to commit to, but the Universe, timing and fate had other plans. So “single” it is for now.

And finally, can we go there? Can we talk about the millions of married people and people in “relationships” who are miserable and barely holding on? Can we talk about the men and women who cheat to augment their unhappy “couple” lives? The ones who tell their friends and loved ones how miserable they are? The ones who hate to go home after work because they aren’t in love or they argue all the time? The ones who are in relationships but bored to death and lonelier than many single folks. Can we talk about that? Dare I say, they (you) should probably celebrate in our joy, peace and freedom.  Note: All single people aren’t unhappy and all coupled people aren’t happy and in love.

Regarding music and it’s impact…though I am not a Beyoncé record buyer per se, I do love some of her music. And a few of them do resonate. One of them is called Best Thing I Never Had“, when I hear  this song, it makes me feel grateful for the ones that got away. And then there’s Irreplaceable that song that too many of us can relate to and there’s If I Were a Boy that reminds us of all the things you do that we put up with. I could go on but you get the point. Settling is not an option, not anymore. Don’t hate on Beyoncé.

Trust that when we have a good man, we will take care of him and we will ensure he knows we have his back and his front. We got this! In the spirit of songs, what we need from you is to say Never Felt This Way and Spend my Life With You and then we will be able to say I Know.

So do us a favor, don’t ask us “why we celebrate being single”. We celebrate life with or without a man because that’s exactly what we are supposed to do until we find the one person who is ready, willing and able to add value, stability, peace and joy to our lives.

Now back to my life. As you were.

Rhonda E. Frost


Inauguration Day 2017 Blues? Here’s a List of 12 Things You Can Do to Feel Better Now!

by Rhonda E. Frost


Today’s Inauguration Day reality is a heavy thought for so many of us. Emotions and fears are raw and running high on both sides. The transition of power from where we are now, heading into “God only knows what’s to come“, is enough to send prescriptions for Xanax and/or money spent on bottles of Ketel One Vodka and marijuana, into the stratosphere. People are expressing their feelings out loud, all over social media, in the news and on live feeds. Protests are in full effect and more are planned for the weekend. It seems surreal, scary and overwhelming. A movie script in the making.

Biased preface: We are going from a personally scandal free POTUS over the past eight years, who ran on a campaign of hope, positivism, connection and change,  with style, grace, class and intelligence,  who happened to be the most articulate and educated man to probably ever hold the office, and then he happened to be African American to boot! A man whose work gave us: lower gas prices, The Affordable Care Act(ACA aka Obamacare) that helped over 20 million people get health coverage, the lowest unemployment rates in almost two-decades, job growth, real estate market rebound, automotive industry rebound and other accomplishments, not to mention helpful regulations like the Dodd-Frank Wall Street Reform that protects consumers from greedy mortgage banks and puts restrictions on the banking industry, but also other oversight as a leader. He showed political prowess, kindness, wit, love and compassion, he made women and other under-represented groups more empowered, and he made us believe in the good in people and our Country,  all while handling unprecedented hate and obstruction without missing a step.


A man who is something we have never seen before in civilized politics, much less the U.S. of America. A man who ran(and won) on a campaign of lies,  fear, racism, with Russian hacking, corruption, hate, misogyny, disrespect of disabled people and Gold Star families, hurling Twitter insults and ugly childish banter on social media, all while facing rape charges, fraud charges, confirmed infidelity, being involved in hundreds of lawsuits for a myriad of things, to include claims of cheating workers out of pay, a man with zero political experience and brazen stupidity, taking over our country. The word “baffling” doesn’t begin to capture it. Without sounding cliche’, “it’s enough to make your head spin!”

Alas! Not to worry! There are positive things you can do today and this weekend to keep your spirits high and stay focused on the larger picture and to help you get over, what is.

Here’s a suggested list!

1) Create your Vision Board-write and create the plan that you want for your year and your life for the next 3 to 5 years. Write it out, cut out pictures from magazines and paste them on it and hang it up. Visualize it. Make it plain and real. (I am updating mine now and will show it to you when done). Goal planning lifts spirits and excites the mind.

2) Apply to go back to school, or a vocational certification program that will allow you to make more money and provide more fulfillment. Or if not that, simply update your resume and apply for jobs you are qualified for and send them out. It will make you feel empowered! Pray over it and let it go.

3) Work on your dreams-Do your business plan. Apply for licensing, do the research and go for it. Write those first chapters of the book or script you’ve been wanting to write. Take dance lessons. Make travel plans. It’s an investment in you! Go!

4) Listen to some good music-Marvin Gaye, Michael Jackson, James Brown, Tupac, Eric Bellinger, Mickey Guyton, Prince, Chris Young, Reba McIntyre, Anthony Hamilton, Donnell Jones, Mary J. Blige, Celine Dion, Eric Clampton, Boney James, Leelah Hathaway, Leelah James and a long list of others! Music makes you feel good. Just do it!

5) Plan a special date for a special someone tonight or tomorrow-have a lovely dinner, go out dancing(I plan to do this tonight)-talk, eat some good food, and dance the night away.

6) Go shopping! I don’t know about you, but shopping always makes me feel better. Even it it’s just for some new panties or bras, a pair of shoes, or a new book. It helps! Trust me it helps!

7) Volunteer-Last week my BFF and I went to Hosea Feed the Hungry and Homeless here in our city and volunteered to help with the MLK Jr. dinner event, it gave us both reason to pause and to think about others, their lives and issues. It filled us with more love and compassion for others. Sometimes it helps to get your mind off of what’s happening by helping others.

8) Make love-kiss passionately, hug, snuggle, and do the damn thing-with someone you adore! All sorts of goodness comes from this.(need I say more?)

9) Work out-run at the park, work out at the gym, do yoga, jump rope or anything to get the heart rate going-the endorphins will give you good vibes and energy).

10) Go see a movie or read a good book-I plan to go see “Moonlight” and “Not Your Negro”, I also plan to watch reruns of Martin, Grace and Frankie (such funny shows!).  Those are my choices, but see anything that distracts you, makes you laugh or feel good.

11) Connect spiritually-go to church, a mosque, Temple,  or in sit in your closet. Pray, meditate, listen to ocean sounds or uplifting podcasts on your play list, light candles, or go to the ocean and rent a room and chill.

12) Plan your divisional championship NFL game watch party. This weekend offers some of the best football to be watched all year for the AFC and NFC. Get some wings, order your drinks, gather your friends and watch some amazing football and immerse yourself in the pure excitement of it all. Not too much better than that! Go Steelers!

At the end of the day, President Barack Obama will go down as one of the best Democratic presidents in American history. Facts, changes, statistics and popularity will prove that. We were lucky to have him and to see it unfold in all of it’s glory for the past eight years. It is now time to witness what’s next.

Our lives won’t change much due to this incompetent, unfit, morally bankrupt new administration-no matter how much they threaten, because “we, the people”, still have the power. And we still have control over what happens in our lives and how we spend our time(for the most part). Live your life. Do you! Do it with direction, positive intent and a plan.

Life surely goes on. And when it goes bad(and there may be days when it does) or when they do something dumb(or illegal), remember we have laws, video cameras, writing skills, social media, protests, journalists, lawyers, judges and the power of the people. We shall surely overcome and fight back. We will witness it, good, bad and ugly and we will live to vote again.

So pick one or any of these suggested activities and enjoy your day, your weekend and the next 4 years, despite the obvious.

About Relationship Goals: Barack and Michelle Obama and Dating on Potential

Re: Barack and Michelle Obama’s relationship.

They definitely have what many of us want. They have mutual respect and adoration for each other, they have unity, love and strong family values. They are the epitome of the hashtag #relationshipgoals.

When talking about their story, I often hear men say to us women… “most of you wouldn’t have been a Michelle Obama because she met him when he had nothing, and she accepted him on potential”.

And when I think about that, my response is, “you are definitely correct that he wasn’t President of the U.S., he had not been elected as Senator, and he wasn’t yet the author of two New York Times best selling books, or the successful person he would become, but his “potential” was fierce!”

When she met him, he had graduated from Harvard Law School, he was the first African American President of the Harvard Law Review, he was a young lawyer (drive), he was active in his community(character and compassion), he didn’t come with games, he chose her and apparently he knew what he wanted and he stayed faithful(had he not, the world would have been exposed to his dirty laundry and we would have been told about his infidelities)( commitment). He was an athlete, he was smart, he was funny, and he was going to places not yet seen, but his track record showed real promise.

So while I will agree, she loved him on “potential” that’s the kind of “potential” most any of us would be happy to meet half-way and take our chances on. Let’s keep “potential” in perspective.

They give us hope. They make us believe again. They showed us it can be done in all things amazing. #familyvalues #relationshipgoals #blackloveatitsfinest #marriagegoals

10 Reasons Why I am Still Single

By Rhonda E. Frost


The other day, I posted a quote on my Facebook page that said something like “humble enough to know I have a ton of flaws, but wise enough to know my heart is pure and my soul is as dope as they come”~Author Unknown. To that, one of my 4800 male followers said “why are you still single then?”. Mind you, I get that question often(as if they just don’t understand why I am single) and usually I dismiss it lightly or ignore it completely, but for whatever reason, I decided to respond to him. And I did so with this:

Not sure how that applies but to oblige you, here’s my answer: Finding love, and a person to spend the rest of your life with isn’t something to take lightly and it’s not easy. It’s magical…it’s serendipity. One day, he will appear and I’ll know he’s the one. I won’t force it, nor will I settle. I’m OK with being single vs just being in a relationship to say “I’m in a relationship”. I go on plenty of dates and I actually have pretty good offers out there but in due time…”

That response seemed to work and he politely thanked me and wished me the best in my love/dating journey.

Now, having said that,to be clear, that is one of the most insensitive and ridiculous questions to ever ask a single woman! And by design (or at least it sounds like), the person asking, is insinuating that something might be wrong with the unattached woman. Maybe I have it all wrong, but it sounds like it. For an analogy, it’s like asking a woman who wants to get pregnant, and who is doing all the things it takes to have a baby(regular sex, good health, a willing partner, etc.) and saying “why haven’t you gotten pregnant yet?”. Really?

I wonder if men ask other single men, “hey man, why aren’t you married yet?”, or “why are you still single?”. Or if these same men ask unhappily married folks “why are you still in that f*cked up marriage?”(yeah there are lots of those too). I bet not! Yet, they look at single women like she must be “crazy” or must be lacking something wifey pertinent, otherwise they’d be married. Hmmmm…And if a woman is in decent shape, fairly attractive and half-way smart, the questions are even more incredulous.Smdh! By the way, half the country is single-that means, there are millions of single men and women. Millions! The reasons are boundless.

So for all those men, who take the time to ask single women this insane question or who judge women in some way due to her “unmarried” status, consider these 10 reasons that I/we might be single:

  1. No one has proposed! News flash! Yeah the guy we are dating, has to ask us to marry him!
  2. We haven’t met the man who is “ready, willing and able” to be a loyal, monogamous, and a provider husband(yes, I am old skool to a degree). A man who we have a mutual attraction, respect and connection with to accept as our life partner. Yeah, that guy…he hasn’t arrived yet.
  3. Too many men are maximizing their options on social media, dating sites, and in these streets-one good woman, won’t do-they are swapping bed partners like a game of musical chairs, and changing women, like people change their underwear.
  4. Married men who want to date us, can’t marry two women at the same time. There are laws against it in the United States.
  5. Too many men show up with just a “dick pic”, a dinner offer, some “hey beautiful” compliments and think they can sell women the dream. They don’t bring a plan, they lie, actions don’t follow the offers or promises, they don’t know what to do when they get the woman they chased, and their sexual prowess is underwhelming.
  6. Some women like being single and aren’t ready to give up their comfortable life, to rush to be in a lackluster, unfulfilling, anxiety producing situation, just to say she’s in one.
  7.  We are working on self. We realize we are broken and are taking the time to review our relationship choices, get ourselves together(credit scores, health, mind), examine the lessons learned, and the mistakes made in the past, before opening the door.
  8. Not enough quality choices to go around-(gay, incarcerated, broken spirits, broken morals, broken lives, nothing to offer, selfish, unromantic, etc.etc.).
  9. Societal norms have changed-We’ve gotten away from basic dignity, respect, and loyalty in the courting process-dating with a long term purpose is no longer the priority-everything is game and fast.
  10. Timing-everything is about timing and fate. Two people meeting at the same time, who are “ready, willing and able” to be in a committed relationship, do the work, who communicate openly, genuinely like each other, and who have good chemistry-is about timing. That isn’t something that can be forced or cajoled. It happens organically. Humans have zero control over timing or fate. All one can do, is be ready when the “magic of timing” happens.

I am still single for all of the reasons above. Are there lonely nights on this journey? Oh my goodness, yes! But are there also weeks of endless dating and fun conversations with new people? Absolutely! Have I had people love me and want to be in a relationship? Yes! And yes, I’ve had my heart open to a select few and have had it bruised. And I’ve had high hopes with a few who showed their character in short order and those hopes were dashed. It’s all part of the process until one day everything changes. Love is still out there and I will have it, but not at the sacrifice of being treated less than what I deserve just to have a piece of something. Nahhh, that won’t work.

So the next time you get ready to ask a woman, “why are you still single?”, just don’t. Put this list in your pocket or frame it and hang it on the wall in your home, and memorize it. And do women a favor, come up with better questions or better yet, bring more to the table and deliver it with good intention, and perhaps you won’t have to ask that question at all.

My PSA for today.


Dear Future Husband: A Grown Woman’s Thoughts on Dating

I don’t necessarily want to know what college you went to and what degree you obtained, I need to know if you can communicate in good and bad times in the wee hours of the morning and late at night, about things that matter.

I don’t care how many S550s, Bugatti’s, BMW M6 special edition cars you have, what your 401K balance is or where you go for vacation; I need to know if you will be there when I call, to make sure I’m OK. I need to know if your word is “bond”, if I can trust you to protect my heart and if you care enough to be fully present when we spend time.

I’m no longer impressed by titles and the extras after your name, (Dr. MA, Ph.d, VP, or President of so and so- I’ve dated them). I need to know if you are kind and affectionate, if you will care for me if I become sick and pray for me when I can’t pray for myself.

I need to know what makes you feel alive, your fears and your back story. I want to know the parts of you, you’ve never told anyone. I need to know how you treat your Mama, your kids, and those you say you love.

I don’t need to hear another promise, or necessarily be told how beautiful I am (though that is always nice ), I need to know that you see my inner being, my scars and stretch-marks and the beauty and grace of my soul and in my story.

I don’t need to spend weekend after weekend on another pointless date hanging out with you at the “spot” or making love without purpose or meaning (that’s something I don’t need to practice, I’m good at that); I need to know what you want to do and where you want to go…with us.

I don’t really care how much “swag” you have, how many Purple Label fine suits you can pull out of the closet, or how many Gucci driving loafers and silk ties you can rock on any given day. I need to know who you are when I am not looking and who you are when I am.

Your fine-ness, collegiate accomplishments, snazzy cars, credit score and dollars in your bank are icing on the cake-of-you. If the rest of the above is missing, we won’t make it.

Let me love you, laugh with you, be with you and move towards eternity with you. That’s where this grown woman is today.


by Rhonda E. Frost


Dear Future Husband: We Almost Had Forever

by Rhonda E. Frost-12/15/16

You are this enigma. This amazing man who pours on the appeal and feeds a woman everything she needs to hear and feel, and then you disappear for inexplicable periods of time, leaving her “fiend-ing” for more, craving a hit, like a washed up heroin addict.

You communicate with precision, grace and fluidity when you feel like it and then you shut down on a whim, like a level IV prison after someone’s been stabbed. It’s the most complex thing I’ve seen.

I wish I understood this. I wish I understood why the Universe felt like I needed you to enter my life? What was the lesson or purpose? And why didn’t it let us get to the promised land?  Yeah that’s what I want to know.

I wanted to know you. What you felt about love, trust and relationships. I wanted to go to a park and run or walk with you, go to concerts and plays. Have get-together’s with friends and play dominoes and spades, while Kem, Tamia, J.Cole and Ne-Yo entertain us from the playlist.

I envisioned making love in the morning and then making you breakfast before you left for work.

I wanted us to cook dinner together and try new recipes, while sipping on Patron margaritas (with salt on the rim) and that tasty splash of Grand Marnier.

I wanted to work with you and learn from you. And build an empire.

I wanted to trust us.

I wish I had gotten past the surface to know your secrets, to learn your hustle, and see your real feelings.

Mostly I wanted us to fall in love and stay there. I guess the Universe had other plans.

Perhaps you were saved from me and I was saved from you. And perhaps instead of mourning the loss of us, I should stand in gratitude for having shared those beautiful, temporary moments in the first place.


Don’t Awaken Her Love…if You Have No Intentions of Loving Her

Bob Marley has this quote that says, “The biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman’s love with no intention of loving her.”

And to that I say this: for any man entering (or trying to re-enter) any woman’s life…if your intentions are dishonorable, if you want only to take and not give, if you aren’t clear about what you want and need, if you aren’t emotionally (or otherwise) ready, and if you cannot add value: emotional, joy, love and financial value and commit to the process and the relationship, then do yourself and us a favor and keep it moving.

Don’t open a woman’s heart if you have no intention of doing right, being right and loving her. And if you aren’t capable of loving and staying-then stop before you start. To be in it, you have to be “ready, willing and able…”(in my Jaheim voice). If you play games, or dabble in it…if you toy with her emotions and heart, be ready to manage whatever the outcome of that looks like. Don’t play victim when it gets real. At this point in life, none of us have time for anything less than ALL IN LOVE. Most women have had enough of the nonsense, I know I have. I won’t do it anymore. Come correct or don’t come. Either way, we will be fine. Love us or let us be!

Now that you know…let’s proceed~

~by Rhonda E. Frost